I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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