Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
