So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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