Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
