Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
