just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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