she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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