dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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