I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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