I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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