Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
