i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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