watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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