Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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