im holly from the hills drunk
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
