So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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