You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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