Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
