Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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