Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
