Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
