he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
