I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Congratulations! We have a period
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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