Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
