i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
