dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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