I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Randomize
