I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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