Jerry, you need to find god
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
