Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
