tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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