if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I did not marry a roomba.
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