living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
