i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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