So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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