party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
