I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
