i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
FUCK WHALES
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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