She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
