He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
