think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
