This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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