I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
