a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
