I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
