from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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