; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
