Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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