We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
