Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
You just made me feel so damn special
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
