Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
